“Adopt An Atheist” Is A REAL THING

"I'll take twenty."

Wow. It’s been a day or two since I’ve seen something jaw-dropping.

This is batshit crazy. Don’t get me wrong… I’m always constantly amazed by what religious folks will do and what they’ll say. I grew up in a church-going family. We weren’t Catholics, but it was a three-day-a-week bonanza. I just can’t get past the last few sentences of this. It’s INCREDIBLE.


After the jump, I’m just going to quote the whole thing.  Anyone have any thoughts?

Catholic League president Bill Donohue explains why the Catholic League is starting a new initiative aimed at atheists:

Approximately 80 percent of Americans are Christian, and 96 percent celebrate Christmas. Of the 20 percent who are not Christian, non-believers make up the largest segment, though the number of self-identified atheists is tiny. David Silverman, president of American Atheists, knows this to be true, which is why he is frantically trying to inflate his base. “We want people to realize that there may be atheists in their family,” he told the New York Times, “even if those atheists don’t even know they are atheists.”

We think there is some merit in David’s idea, even if he has things backwards, as usual. Today we are launching our “Adopt An Atheist” campaign, the predicate of which is, “We want atheists to realize that there may be Christians in their community, even if those Christians don’t even know they are Christian.”

Here’s what our campaign entails. We are asking everyone to contact the American Atheist affiliate in his area [click here], letting them know of your interest in “adopting” one of them. All it takes is an e-mail. Let them know of your sincere interest in working with them to uncover their inner self. They may be resistant at first, but eventually they may come to understand that they were Christian all along.

If we hurry, these closeted Christians can celebrate Christmas like the rest of us. As an added bonus, they will no longer be looked upon as people who “believe in nothing, stand for nothing and are good for nothing.”

Where could I even begin? I only justthismuch understand what they’re going for, but they simply can’t word things correctly to… uh… save their souls.  Sorry. I couldn’t help it.  After all, we’re all just good for nothings who don’t stand for or believe in anything, right?

Oh, wait…it’s just atheists that aren’t good for anything? I mean, I believe in the Church of Baseball (Hallelujah!), so I’m good for something, at least.  How about you?

I’d rather adopt a Catholic. I wonder if The Great & Mystic Cathol would allow that.

Murdock (Listen to our PODCAST!)

Thanks to Melissa Tippins for the share.


3 thoughts on ““Adopt An Atheist” Is A REAL THING

  1. Pingback: Atheistic Rights & Responsibilities | All American Atheist

  2. This HAS to be a joke. Maybe we should team up and make an “Adopt a Believer” program. We could make boatloads of money, and become rich and famous, and cook some fried chicken, and……oh sorry I got carried away. 🙂


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