Episode 90: This Is The Best You Got? Vol. 1

90_SBP_1400x1400_03082013Yes. This is the best we’ve got. Or at least half of the best we’ve got. In celebration of our 90th episode, Dwight culled through the epic first 70 or so episodes of the show to find the best bits. Some were mentioned by you, our loyal listeners, and others are just some we hold near and dear to our pitch black (Vin Diesel) hearts. Laugh with us, won’t you, as you relive these moments with friends. Pass them on to new listeners, either as the highest prize known to man, or as the meanest prank ever committed. Relax with us, friends, and consider your own porn thresholds, while shouting “Doug!” at the top of your lungs and checking your chubbys. It’s not just a 90th episode. It’s a clip show! SBP!!

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Music in this week’s episode.

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Episode 89: Where Does Milk Come From?

Episode 89: The ArtworkWell, eager listeners, we’re terribly, terribly close to 90 episodes, but you know what happens before 90? You guessed it – 89! It’s another very special episode for SBP, because we nail down an exclusive interview with none other than rap and cooking magnate Coolio! We find out where and how milk is produced, offer Dwight a new job in faith-based filmmaking, sing drunken karaoke and weigh in on the merits of Brittany Jenkens as she hits on her own sick mother. We been spendin’ most our lives livin’ in a Craigslist paradise! As Lou Bega says, 1, 2, 3-4-SBP!!

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Episode #88: Guitarists in Gondolas Getting Granola

Episode 88: The ArtworkEvery new episode is like a beautiful pearl, plucked from the very living oysters of honest, hard-hitting journalistic comedy. For instance, in this episode, we hit the ground running by drinking alone and being bad to the bone with new friends to the podcast Steven Wright Vaughn and Jerry Seinfeld Thorogood. We talk about their new hit 4G (by Sprint) web series and tackle why you should only travel by land boat. Not only all of that, but we also delve, deeply, into what it’s like to be Rutgerless in the midst of a 4-alarm Gomez Kerfuffle while being the main attraction of several meaty fingers. Even William H. Macy can’t help but look on (and sometimes participate). This, just like the last 87 episodes, is one you don’t want to miss! SBP!!

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Episode #87: Night Court Weed

Episode 87: The Cover ArtYou ever get hiiiiiiiigh offa that Night Court Weeeeeeeed? Shit, son. Go TO it! It’s Episode 87 and all bets are off. In this new, top shelf at the corner liquor store in a town in the hills that doesn’t have electricity show, we introduce Shit-in-the-Hand Johnny, talk about a fire-breathing, three-headed mythological monster that just pooped out some babies, and apologize while dropping hilarious joke bombs that only Murdock’s mother could love (except that joke we did three times). And hey! Do you listen to us on TuneIn Radio?! If so, you’re sexy. If not, you should check that out on your Playstation or other app-using device so we can get jalapeño business. Yeah… you heard us. SBP!!

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Episode #86: Cat and Panda Slash Fiction

Episode 86: The ArtworkThis is it. The episode you’ve been waiting all week for. It’s the 86th one. And we’re finally talking about the deadliest bears in the world – Pandas. Also, we educate our hundreds of millions of listeners on how The Wolf of Wall Street was based on those coke-fiend polar bears that Christmas is so damn proud of. Then, as an added bonus, we talk about cat sexuality for longer than we should. This new episode is truly For Us, By Us. So let’s start whistling “Sweet Georgia Brown” and go solve a mystery with Sweet Lou Dunbar (not to be confused with Salty Lou Henner), Wee Willie Gardner (not to be confused with Massive American Bandstand Johnson), Curly Neal (not to be confused with Straight T-Arn), Meadowlark Lemon (not to be confused with Barn Swallow Kevin Hart) and the rest of the Harlem Globetrotter gang! Wait… is calling them a gang racist? Oh well – you know what we probably mean. And be sure to stay for the “best joke today” that Sullivan inexplicably hides after the final song plays. SBP!!

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Episode #85: Canadian Gooseeggs

Episode 85: The ArtworkWho would have thought that 84 episodes ago, we would be here today, with episode 85? Certainly not long-time listeners and friends of the podcast Lance Bass and Jay-Z. In truth, they probably came over to play some disc golf, but ended up getting thrown in the fridge. C’est la vie. However, even without them, we take a walk on the #BieberPanic wild side, complete with sticky floors and circus peanuts. It’s a celebration of everything we hold dear – like drugs, teeth, Rodeo Cheeseburgers, regret, awkward pauses and reasons you can’t put your furniture together correctly. If you aren’t already listening to the show, this is a great one to start on, if only because we introduce our good friend Jack Whorebath. So let’s you, us and G.I. Jesus have a sit down and talk out the funny, ok? Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. We could’ve done it without you, but we would’ve had to have come up with something on our own. HOVA! SBP!!

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Episode #84:The Schneider Apprentice

Episode 84: The ArtworkOnce every four years, something stirs deep in the Elk River in West By Jesus Virginia. That’s right folks, the olympics are coming to town! And you know what that means! Kathy Bates, the owner of Titties™, invites us all to take a walk on the wild side Chad & Gunther. Don’t worry about getting vaccinated for the poison water, or for anything at all, because comedy legend Rob Schneider, along with his trusty bodyguard, Schneider from “One Day At A Time”, will give you a guided tour of all things wild and wonderful. So grab your Cheddar Bay Biscuits and your 2014 Death Pool, hitch a ride on the angry Mothman and sing the German parts of “So Long, Farewell”. There’s so much to live for! SBP!! (brought to you by Freedom Industries – all rights reserved)

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Episode #83: Cannonball Run 2014

Episode 83: The ArtworkIn this new episode, a wide variety of eccentric competitors participate in a wild and illegal cross-country car race. You’ll root for them all…but you’ll never guess who wins. The answer, of course, is either T-Arn, American Bandstand Johnson or Lou Henner. Only time will tell. And if you think that description sounds like the logline for The Cannonball Run, you’re on your way to not only a great January, but a pretty exciting 2014. If you don’t think that description sounds like anything you’ve ever heard of before, you seriously need to catch up on your “wild and illegal cross-country car race” movies. Start with Cannonball Run II. Here’s one person that isn’t going to win: Conrad Bain. Join us for an eclectic dose of comedy platinum! SBP!!

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Episode #82: The Monkey’s Paw

Episode 82: The Cover Art

The ball is dropping on 2013, which means the likelihood of us living another year gets iffy at best. But we wouldn’t want to go out on anything other than THREE EPISODES IN A ROW! Can you believe it? And over the holidays, too! In this episode we revisit Dwight’s refrigerator. It’s been several weeks, after all. Has anything changed for the better? Or worse? What’s growing in that tinfoil? It’s probably about the same as Sullivan’s dinner of circus peanuts. In this final episode of 2013, we attack the last bastion of theatre fan fiction and snuff out the final bit of good will any Browncoat might have collected. Then, as a public service, we gently discuss how to thwart menstruation on a deserted island, or anywhere, really (presuming you have access to monkeys – and who doesn’t?). Happy New Year from Slightly Burned Pants! Thanks for listening another year. Our fans are the BEST fans. We hope your ball drops, too! SBP!!

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Episode #81: The Ken Burns Paradox

Episode 81: The Cover ArtIt’s the 2013 SBP Holiday Sullivantacular! Marvel at the Festival of Dwights! Do whatever it is you do during MurdocKwanza! In this, the freshest of new episodes, we talk about all that holiday stuff you listeners love mentally digesting: suicide, why things in movies can’t be real, suicide, who Sullivan texts during podcast recording, suicide, why the next oldest generation loves eating at the world’s worst buffets, suicide, the Mothman, suicide, Dwight thinking he’s in better shape than Sullivan, even though Sullivan has now run two 5Ks, suicide, Sullivan’s Christmas cats and his long-standing nightmares of secret extra cats, suicide, and we share a heart-warming story about Steven Seagal and DMX that will really make you sad you (and everyone else) missed the G+ Hangout (that no one knew about, especially Murdock) during the show. All this and probably more! Happy Holidays from everyone here at SBP!!

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